i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
