I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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