thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
