If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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