Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
