Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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