My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
