I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's shark week go big or go home
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
