so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you will always have a special place in my vag
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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