i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
