How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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