saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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