now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
