I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
