i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
