youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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