so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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