Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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