I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
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we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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