You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
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Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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