I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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