no, he came in my armpit
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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