when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
