I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
