You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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