we made out on top of his cat.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
