i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
