I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Where is the hickey?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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