it's not cheating when I paid for it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
