Need sex. Gaining weight.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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