I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
