she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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