either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
