I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize