all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
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we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
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Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.