The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We don't watch enough power rangers
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.