I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
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before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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