i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
