haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
