They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
