I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
