And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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