i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
