I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize