8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
