it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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