when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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