ya dads aren't the best wingmen
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
