i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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