considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
