im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
