I just saw a hot homeless man
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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