we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
