There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
operation harelip BJ is a go
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
