You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
