): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
