I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
