So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
