I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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