The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
