I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize