textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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