Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
