i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
