Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When did angry sex become our thing?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
