I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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