Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize