is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
