I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
