that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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