I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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