Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
