All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
