Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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