She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
