went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
