just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
